ARTFUL BODGER

    Well, its time I spoke to you again. My long silence was
partially due to all the good material that you have been
sending in , therefore making my worthless drivel (filler)
unnecessary. Now, however, I have again been called to duty. I
have some new observations to make and some bodges to mention...

    I rode a motorcycle before getting my automobile license.
This used to be possible in 68' , and I availed myself of the
privilege at the first possible moment. It was a Yamaha YA-6
Santa Barbara. 125cc's of power would rocket me down Lake
Street to West High School, my knapsack hanging from a home-made
sissy-bar (bodged out of "rebar"). I had of course recently
seen the movie "Great Escape", and understood that if I was to
ever be called a "Biker", I would need to equip myself with
certain mannerisms becoming to said individual. I practiced my
Steve McQueen squint, and never ever "LOOKED" in my gas tank
to check for gas. Of course , some of you youngsters didn't see
the movie, and I must explain that while being chased by
Germans, Steve, on a modern bike painted to look vintage worries
about his gas situation, mounts a ridge (for a good profile
shot) and stands astride the bike. He then does a little
wiggle, bouncing the gas tank too and fro between his groins,
and listens.......

    I recently got to thinking about all the things we do as
riders as part of our routine. Some of these things are safety
measures which may be unique to each of us, while others are
just nervous habit , vanity, or showing off. I'll list all that
I can think of, however, if you have a great one not mentioned ,
write in. Maybe there's a prize in it for you...

    Getting up to go to work, Joe biker looks out the window.
What are the odds of precip? Is there frost on the car windows?
How early does he have to get there (it always seems to take
longer on the bike.....?!). Do his hands and pants have to be
clean? O.K., its over 40 degrees and there's time. Which bike?
How much does he have to carry and is he supposed to pick up any
groceries or children after work? O.K., now we now it can't be
the cafe' bike. Will the chosen bike start?

    On his way now, he remembers he has no comb and he's got to
wear his biker boots to a sales meeting because he forgot some
shoes... Around the first sweeper, he automatically taps the
back of the seat to see if the knapsack is still there (this
will be repeated about five times). Traffic is light as he
heads towards the city.Look behind.... bar end mirror is
obscured unless he looks under his armpit or dips shoulder.
Well... use the shiny reflection off the back of the turn signal
stalk to get a psychedelic view of traffic off to the sides.
Here comes a stop, make sure its German or you'll be upshifting
British at just the wrong time. O.K., can he drive real slow
and balance his way up to the vehicle in front without touching
down? Will there be anyone looking who cares? Maybe he WILL
enter the slow race next time... Is he late? no watch
accessible, check the the time and temperature at the bank up
ahead. Regard the reflection of that BUTCH biker in the bakery
window. Are the brake lights coming on? Post on the pegs going
over the railroad tracks (not really necessary, but very
equestrian...). Here comes a tunnel, how good do those pipes
sound in there...better check by revving a couple times.. There
a Harley guy..should he nod or ignore? He's got a helmet
on....O.K. nod.

    Here comes a Honda... should he share a lane? Intersection
possible altercation with septuagenarian who never "STARTED
SEEING BIKES". Stare mercilessly invading their space with your
eyes until you penetrate their morning stupor and make them
shrink behind the wheel as you cross the intersection. Ride is
a little long and the underwear is creeping....subtle adjustment
demanded. The parking lot appears... park conspicuously where
you can fondly gaze at the bike from your office...

PIPEDREAM OF THE MONTH-

    Build a deco "Morgan"-like 3-wheeler which looks vaguely like
a miniature 37' Ford in front (or 50's Stude) and has fully
valenced fenders (ala Indian or BMW K-1). Power it either with
the driveline from a Yamaha Venture, Honda Interstate, or HONDA
CIVIC. The Civic model would have front wheel drive and THREE
steerable wheels. The rear wheel would be a heavy bike front
end with appropriate caster and a variable diameter pulley
connected to the front by a crossed steel cable........

What's your pipedream?

A FEW BODGES

    Did you know that the neoprene washers in your faucet can be
trimmed to fit the outlet of the oil pump on your Atlas?

    Did you mix up the plug wire on the magneto? Ground the plug
near the hole and put a finger over the hole lightly. Kick and
watch for a spark about when you feel a good puff...

    Are you tired of British petcocks which leak and cost too
much? Get brass "air valves" at the hardware store. They are a
screw in fit and all types of fittings are available for the
outlet. Change directions sharply in tight spaces with
cleanable two piece inline gas filters (they are about the size
of an oreo cookie) available in most lawn-mower supply places.
Eliminate points on a single with a little "mighty max" also
available there in bubble-pack.....

    Are you desparate for a cable, and only have a rusty one?
Fray one end slightly and chuck the other end into an electric
drill. Drizzle in liquid wrench and grasp the outer sheath.
Start the drill and slowly pull the inner cable out, scouring
as you go! Top off with cable lube, shorten the cable and
outer a little and serve with piping hot scones.........

More later

Greg