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The Itch
by Gary Charpentier |
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Every
time I go to the Cycle World International Motorcycle Show I
come away with The Itch. It's as if, while wandering through
acres of new motorcycles and accessories, I'm also wading
through invisible patches of poison ivy. After the show, I
suffer from a breakout of crazy desires, an intense itch
which can only be properly scratched with large handfuls of
wadded-up cash. While I've got
silver on my mind, the Yamaha R1 in that stealth-fighter
black and silver livery catches my eye. This one has been
out for a while now, and ever since I first saw it I've been
scheming ways to make it my own. Less expensive and much
faster than the gorgeous MV, it has a savage, elemental
presence, which speaks to the Hooligan in all of us. This
bike has Jail Bait writ large, in bright red neon, all over
it. Nearly powerless to resist the mesmeric temptation, I
flee... Through the
jungles of Gixxers, with Ninjas lurking in the shadows and
crazy, speed-addled acronyms like CBR-RRRR popping up
everywhere I look, it's time to take a break, to calm down
and catch my breath. Off to the BMW booth then. Sticking with the
jungle theme for a moment, I stand and gaze at the R1150GS
Adventure. Soon fantasies of long, sweaty expeditions into
the deepest, darkest wilderness are dancing through my
feverish mind. That ammo can luggage and pop-eyed front-end
whisper to me of trackless deserts and murky rain forests.
I'm sure most of these, just like 4-wheeled SUVs, will spend
at least 95% of the time on pavement. But it's got to be
reassuring to know that you could go on moto-safari any time
you like. As I get older, I find myself drawn to these
bikes. Not with anything approaching my passion for the
repli-racers, mind you. This is more of a
gentle-but-relentless tug, and it has the feel of the
inevitable about it. Maybe this will be my 401K bike, my
retirement ride perhaps? Refreshed by this
brief reverie, I set off through the sea of scruffy humanity
towards the Aprilia booth. Up on a pedestal there sits the
new, limited edition Tuono street fighter in flat black and
gold. What an evil looking beast! I've wanted to explore
this commercial street-fighter scene for some time now. I
was there, in Southern California, when this phenomenon was
born. Yeah, I've heard the myth that the Street Fighter was
"invented" in Europe, but I know better. The Street Fighter
was born simultaneously; everywhere the Suzuki GSXR was
first released, back in the mid-eighties. After crashing
their new Plastic Phantastics, the riders would be faced
with the ridiculous high cost of replacement bodywork.
Already low on cash due to bike payments and exorbitant
insurance, they had no choice if they still wanted to ride,
but to look for an alternative. That was when the canyon
racers began showing up at Newport Beach and Sunset
Boulevard on Saturday night with their oval headlight
buckets hanging out, messy gage and wire clusters naked in
front of a hastily mounted motocross handlebar. Ugly frame
members, never meant to see the light of day, were bared to
the world alongside unsightly radiator plumbing and overflow
"catch cans". These squidly riders weren't much better to
look at. They wore shorts and T-shirts to display all their
fresh roadrash and let the wounds scab over. They told
outrageous lies about their mishaps and the bikini-clad
beach bunnies believed them. So I find it
interesting to examine what modern marketing has done with
such a dubious concept. Triumph has had notable success with
it's Speed Triple, but they did a lot of work with the
components to make them more presentable in naked form.
Aprilia has taken a different approach with the Tuono. On
the high-end, limited version, you get Ohlins suspension and
the R‚-spec motor. Components are either
color-coordinated, or camouflaged with strategically placed
carbon/kevlar panels. On the pedestal-perch, the black and
gold Tuono looks mechanically menacing, like the robot
warriors of the Terminator movies. The entire package has a
tasteful, finished look to it. For an asking price of around
eighteen grand, that's the least they can do! Not so for the
bright red "standard" version, for about twelve grand, the
proletarian Tuono sports a lower-spec motor and suspension,
with plastic in place of carbon-kevlar. All the hardware and
plumbing come in their natural colors and they don't blend
in well with the bright red bodywork. The whole thing looks
rather cobbled together, but I suppose that's actually
closer to the original Street Fighter concept after all. A
good compromise is the dark grey standard version, which has
a completely mechanical ambiance. After
contemplating these Moto-Mafiosi, I decided to go see what
the Yakuza versions looked like. As usual, the Japanese are
more conservative than the Italians, sticking their toes in
the water with various "Standards" or "UJMs" based on
de-tuned sportbike lumps. Although several concept
prototypes have been shown around the world, they have yet
to come out with a full-spec Street Fighter. However, as I
was looking at the Suzuki SV1000 (MSRP $7,999!), it occurred
to me that one could build an awesome special with the four
grand difference from the purchase price of the base Tuono.
Depending on how much motor work would be required to bring
it up to sporting spec, you might even be able to squeeze in
some tasty Ohlins suspenders and Marchesini wheels and still
come in under $13K! Then maybe a racing tail section and
some kind of funky front end treatment to make it really
nasty... Argh! Where's that fistful of dollars I was talking
about? I need to scratch! Unfortunately,
there is no new motorcycle in my immediate future. I'll have
to make due with my small stable of old Japanese specials,
rebuilding and reshaping them each winter into something
different, until my personal economic outlook improves. But
you know I'll be back at this show again next year, I can't
stay away. I just wish I could find some kind of ointment
for this infernal new bike Itch! M.M.M.
The
primary itch centers around sportbikes, of course. The
Ducati booth used to be the most virulent patch for this
particular strain. But now that the design torch has been
passed to a certain loony South African, I find it easier to
turn away. Yeah, right into a face-to-face confrontation
with Massimo Tamburini's beautiful MV Agusta F4S. Ohhh, what
an incredible piece of moto-sculpture that is! I thought it
was nice enough in the original two-tone, but when you see
it in monochrome silver, the sensuous curves and dramatic
planes of the design really pop!
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